Jesus Christ Can’t Hit a Curveball?
July 10, 2007
Popular in fiction for the past several hundred years has been the motif of a “Christ figure” or a Christ-like figure. This character, obviously, shares any of a number of traits with the Biblical Jesus Christ. Some of the more prominent traits taken from Christ are:
Performance of miracles/Possession of divine qualities - The character will have the ability to perform seemingly impossible acts, and/or have talents that are seemingly divine, most commonly prophecy or healing.
Display of forgiveness/kindness/mercy/justice - The character will exercise wisdom in his/her judgement.
Association with outcasts - The character will be a member of–oftentimes, a leader of–a group of people who are persecuted, or despised. Whether they group “deserves” to be despised is irrelevant.
Martyrdom - the character will be attacked, and often killed, for what he is. This death is sometimes, though not always, accompanied by resurrection.
I find it interesting that a number of these qualities can–thanks to the works of the self-righteous media–be found in one Barry Lamar Bonds, who I believe is a left fielder of some repute for the San Francisco Giants.
Where You See Lions 2: Getting Around
July 6, 2007
There aren’t a whole lot of ways to get around Kakamega, a town near Kisumu, the third largest city in Kenya. You can walk, certainly. If you need to get someplace a bit faster than your feet can take you, though, you’re not going to find a subway or trolley or a bus schedule lying conveniently on a rack in the non-existence transit station. Nope. You’re going to take a bit more rustic, less organized transit, and you’re going to need some advice.
Self Help: Your Input
July 4, 2007
Hello dear readers!
This is your self help guru, if you have interesting jobs or people you wish to be lightly mocked/made fun of please drop a comment or alert Mr. Thursday. If any topics are fun, no matter how challenging, I will write a self-help guide to achieve that status/vocation/level of whatever it is you desire.
For example. Let’s go back a few months, if you’re a staunch democrat/liberal you could’ve said something like “Mr. Guru, why don’t you write a self-help on how to be vice-president?” and i would’ve included things like brainwashing cults/satan worship, optometry, gun ranges, male pattern baldness, quail identification class, cronyism, immoral retribution, lying, and all sorts of other hilarity.
For those of you with the more conservative perspective you could ask, “Mr. Guru, what steps do you have to follow to become an academy award winner?” and I list such things as: use your celebrity status to proliferate your commie views from the stage, botox, be serial monogamists with women/men either far older or far younger than you, writing speeches that thank everyone you’ve known since kindergarten or no one other than your family (but nothing in between), absurdly showcasing wealth while speaking out against America’s greed and commercialism.
Clearly, there does not have to be any sort of political bias (as hopefully indicated by the already posted articles), they can be anything, if you wanna know what it takes to be an astronaut, a clown, a cowboy, a doctor, a judge, a succesful drug dealer, anything you think would make for interesting articles, let me know. And I will consider it, mock you for coming up with such a stupid, preposterous idea, then probably write it anyway.
In the ever-so-likely event that no one responds to this, I will just continue to do what I’ve been doing, and writing on whatever comes to mind 20 minutes before the post is requested to be done.
Peace out
-the GuRu
[Editor's note: This is only the second time we've had the chance to use the "Irony" tag. Can't say how thrilled we are. Thanks Paul!]
Do They All Die? 10: Transformers
July 4, 2007
Introduction
Because I was born in the early 1980s, I grew up with an immortal adulation for the best two hours of Saturday morning cartooning ever conceived for a growing boy. In succession (though the order fails me now) I faithfully watched GI Joe, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, Thundercats, and, best of all, Transformers. Transformers, of course, was a program about the ongoing, interstellar war between robots. The greatest among them, leader of the Autobots, was Optimus Prime. He was the main character of the show. He was a Superman kind of character. Noble, just, uncompromising, and impossibly good. And, apparently, a talented concert pianist.
Because the rumors of a live action Transformers move have circulated around magazines and the internet as long as I can remember, I had no choice but to see this extraordinarily expensive film, regardless of how bad it looked, or how prominent involved Michael Bay (director of Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, and the Bad Boys movies) was.
What I found was, in fact, much worse and much better than I could have hoped or expected. No less confusing, the most surprising thing I found was one of my favorite dead white guys: Mr James Joyce.
